Rappers and Pasta

There I was again, torn between ordering the chicken carbonara and the seafood alfredo. Both are Olive Garden classics (and classics for a reason). I could hear the waitress’ no-slip Skechers getting closer and closer, and was not about to be the guy that does the whole “let them order first and come back to me” thing. I’m an Olive Garden vet. I’m seasoned in this game. Leave that “What would you recommend?” bullshit to the boys at Carraba’s.

But, I needed help on this one, so I went to the Jedi council in my mind to consult the higher-ups. It’s mostly comprised of rappers, but a few other men I look up to made the team as well (Tom Haverford and Jean Rolphio, Alfred the butler, and Norm Macdonald playing Burt Reynolds on celebrity jeopardy). After listening to their wise words, I went with the seafood plate and made sure to pour a little alfredo sauce on the ground for the dead homies. But it made me think…what would a group of famous rappers order at Olive Garden?

Lil’ Wayne

Like most rappers on this list, I’m gonna go ahead and guess Weezy has never been to an Olive Garden, but if he did, what’s Lil’ Tunechi gonna munch on? Going through mountains of Wayne lyrics (for real, he’s been on almost 2,000 songs) and all the dude talks about eating is other rappers. Then it was obvious, why don’t I know what Mr. Carter would order at an Italian place? Because, “Bitch, real G’s move in silence like lasagna”…Lil’ Wayne is going with the pasta cake.

Rick Ross

The MMG boss enjoys the finer things in life, Olive Garden probably isn’t his main spot, but I like to imagine he would go just for the endless breadsticks. My first instinct was to assume he would snag the spaghetti as he says “You n***** is petty, you n***** spaghetti”. Now Rick Ross will eat up petty spaghetti rappers to prove a point, but that’s when he’s working. The Garden is a place to relax and enjoy all that label money. Curveball….Boss is ordering soup. That’s right, soup. “Am I really just a narcissist/Cause I wake up to a bowl of Lobster Bisque?”

***Important note, he will also 100% order a pear. (“Shout out to all the pear”)

Kanye West

“In a French ass restaurant/Hurry up with my damn croissant” Ok just imagine Kanye ordering a croissant at an Italian restaurant. Do you really think a waiter is gonna explain to Yeezy that they don’t serve croissants? That dude is literally sprinting to the nearest bakery to get him his damn croissant. Whether it’s because he wants that tip or he just doesn’t want to get hit with a classic Kanye rant, he’s gonna bring out whatever Mr. west wants. Also, if Kim K is with him we already know what she order…. FISH FILET!

Biggie Smalls

The Notorious B.I.G. delivered one of raps best food lyrics of all time on “Big Poppa” when he rapped in his untouchable flow “T-bone steak, cheese eggs, and Welch’s grape”. That’s one of the dopest lines ever recorded, no doubt. But that’s an order Biggie is throwing down at a Denny’s at 2 A.M. not at the garden. Luckily, The B.I.G. has another of the greatest flows in rap history “Escargot/My car go/One sixty swiftly/Wreck it buy a new one/Your crew run run run/Your crew run run” Nobody can compare to Big’s flows, or his expensive taste, and for this reason he would order the most expensive thing on the menu even if it is escargot.

Eminem

Ok, first off how nervous would you be if you were the waiter grating cheese on Eminem’s salad? I can’t think of anything more terrifying. Or ok, ok, hahaha… imagine this, what if Eminem is waiting to be seated and when his table is ready the hostess has the insane courage to say “Would the real Slim Shady please stand up? Your table is ready.” That would be incredible. Now for his order we have to think about Olive Garden’s slogan: “When you’re here, you’re family.” So the answer is obvious, what would Slim order? MOM’S SPAGHETTI!

(yes, this whole thing might have just been so I could make a joke about Eminem ordering mom’s spaghetti)

Honorable Mentions

J. Cole

– As much as I wanted to include Cole, I don’t think he goes out in public anymore. “Order Domino’s and she take off all her clothes/N**** you know how it goes/Make the pizza man wait”

Kendrick Lamar

There’s not an Olive Garden in Compton so I’m guessing Kendrick is sticking to his now and laters from m.A.A.d. city or some Top Ramen with hot sauce under a money tree. “would you believe me/Or see me to be innocent Kendrick that you seen in the street/With a basketball and some Now & Laters to eat”

The Sugar Hill Gang

Gotta give respect to the pioneers. Olive Garden didn’t open its doors until 1982, Rapper’s Delight came out way back in 1979, and it’s still one of the most recognizable hip-hop songs of all time. Not only is it a milestone in hip-hop history, it also had one of the dopest food bars. “Have you ever went over a friend’s house to eat/And the food just ain’t no good/I mean the macaroni’s soggy/The peas are mushed/And the chicken tastes like wood”

Kanye West

Yeah, he’s already on here once, but I couldn’t talk about rap food lyrics without including of the most Kanye-esque lyrics of all time. “Mayonnaise colored Benz, I push Miracle Whips”

-Cade McAllister

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