15. Rick Ross – William Leonard Roberts II
William Leonard Roberts is a pretty good name, but the fact that it’s got a couple II’s at the end is what lands Rick Ross on the list.
**Shout out to all the pear**
14. Waka Flocka Flame – Juaqin James Malphurs
Juaquin Malphurs is still a better rap name than Hoodie Allen.
13. Lil’ Jon – Jonathan Mortimer Smith
Aaaaaaand three of the whitest name of all time.
12/11. Method Man – Clifford Smith/
T.I. – Clifford Joseph Harris Jr
How dope is it that T.I. and Method Man are both named Clifford? I guess the M-E-T, H-O-D MAN flow sounded a little smoother than C-L-I, F-F-O-R-D MAN. But choosing one Clifford over another just didn’t seem right, so 12 and 11 is a toss up.
10. T-Pain – Faheem Rashad Najm
I wonder if when T-Pain plays basketball he calls himself Faheem Abdul-Jabbar…
9. Lupe Fiasco – Wasalu Muhammed Jaco
Wasalu…thats gotta be the waviest name I’ve ever heard. Sounds like a hot sauce from Louisiana.
8. Snoop Dogg – Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr.
I mean Cordozar is a dope name, but Snoop is Snoop. I don’t think anyone has ever given themselves a more fitting name than Snoop Dogg.
7. Bobby Shmurda – Ackquille Jean Pollard
What would the Shmoney Dance be called if he was never Shmurda and stayed with Ackquille?
6. Wale – Olubowale Victor Aluntimehim
I typed Olubowale Aluntimehim into google translate and turns out it means “A little bowl of aluminum” in German.
5. Wiz Khalifa – Cameron Jibril Thomaz
Wiz lands this low on the list just for the fact that Thomaz ends with a Z like it’s a J. Cole track.
4. Future – Nayvadius DeMun Wilburn
Ya know when your listening to a Future song and you’re like, “What is this dude saying?” I always assume he’s just mumbling “Nayvadius”.
3. 2 Chainz – Tauheed Epps
Tauheed, or not Tauheed: that is the question. I wonder if when he was coming up with rap names he was like “Maybe 3 Chainz? nah thats ridiculous. 1 Chain? Wait, nah that’s just Chain…2 Chainz? Yeah 2 is just right. TRUUU”
2. Ab-Soul – Herbert Anthony Stevens VI
HERBERT?! THE SIXTH?! Why does Ab-Soul have the same name as a 14th century English nobleman?
1. Earl Sweatshirt – Thebe Neruda Kgositsile
Reading his name off the class roll is what substitute teachers have nightmares about.